THE MANSON FAMILY FEUD
It's the typical Family Feud stage with contestants are lined up on each side. The big difference is there are only two members to a team. On one side are two members of the Manson family, Charles Manson and Squeaky Fromme. On the other side is an all American couple, Todd and Mary Jones, who are giddy with excitement.
Music starts and the host comes bounding out on the stage. He trots to the
Music starts and the host comes bounding out on the stage. He trots to the middle.
Hello and welcome to the Manson
family feud. Our challengers today,
Todd and Mary Jones, hail from Austin, Texas.
(PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE). And
now, straight from San Quentin, we have Squeaky Fromme, and the one, the only,
Charles Manson. All
righty folks, are you ready to play the Feud?
The leader of each side,
Charles and Todd, jog out to the middle.
let me remind you of our
rules. I ask a question, and the
first person to ring in will give me what they think is the most popular answer
to that question. Now remember,
each of our questions was surveyed before a group of one hundred psychopaths.
You have to give me the answer that best matches their response.
Are you ready?
Both nod, and then get
into the classic pose, one hand behind, one in front, and await the question.
Tell me an item that you might
find... in your basement?
Todd Jones smacks the buzzer.
Letís see. How about...strawberry preserves.
is just getting his
hand to the buzzer.
Strawberry preserves it is.
And the survey says?
The NO buzzer sounds.
Come on, Todd. Do you really think psychopaths are strawberry preserve type people? Your guess, Charles?
Something youíd find in a
know...how about an upside
Good answer. Charles says an upside down crucifix. And the survey says? (The
DING of success). Way
to go, Charles,
you got the number one answer.
The host walks Charles over to
his side and he joins Squeaky.
Now. Whatís something you
might find in your basement?
You know, Iím going to have to guess...power saw.
That sure sounds normal. You
havenít gone back on your medication again, have you?
Whatís wrong with a power
saw? You know, so you can saw
through the really big bones.
Oh, now I get it.
She said power saw. And the survey says?
She gets the NO buzzer and
Charles looks like he wants to kill her.
Letís see if the Jones
family can make a steal. Now
remember...think crazy. Think
nutty. Your answer, Mary?
(STRUGGLING) Letís see.
Something in a crazy guys basement?
I donít know. How about the attic.
Thatís plenty nutty. But
is that the nutty were looking for? The
The BUZZ of defeat.
The points go to the Manson family.
Now itís time for round
Mary and Squeaky jog to the
middle and assume the classic stance.
right. We surveyed one hundred sociopaths...Give us one good reason
to kill your mother.
Mary Jones is first to the
Um, letís see.
A reason to kill your mother. How
about...she spanked you too hard.
Wow...Thatís a tough one.
She spanked you too hard. And
the survey says.
The big NO buzzer.
Over to the Manson family.
Your answer, Squeaky.
Thatís easy. How about...she left you in the dumpster to die.
Good answer, Squeaky. And the survey says (The Ding of success). You got the third best answer. Way to go Squeaky. And we take it over to the Manson family.
Host approaches Charles.
Okay Charles. Now this question ought to be a piece of cake for you.
Give me one good reason to kill your mother?
I know. What if she made you wear diapers to the high school prom.
Boy, Chuck, sounds like
youíre speaking from personal experience (Big fake laugh).
He said made to wear
diapers to the high school prom, and the survey says?
Charles gets the NO buzzer and
With two answers left on the
board, we take it over to the Jones family. Now, for the steal, and to put you
ahead of the Manson family, give me one good reason to kill your mother.
Todd and Mary huddle.
I think weíve got it.
How about...because the bitch deserved it.
Sounds good to me...give me
because the bitch deserved it.
The Ding of success.
all righty. You get the steal and that puts you into first place.
Which sends us to the third round, where all the points have double
value. Are you ready?
Again Charles and Todd dash
out to the center.
The question is...If you had to choose, how would you like to be executed?
Todd is first to the buzzer.
Ah, let me think.
Iíd take...lethal injection.
Good answer, Todd.
Letís see lethal injection.
Todd gets the Bing of success.
You got the second best
answer. Letís see if Charles can
top it. What do you say, Charles?
How would I like to be executed? I know.
You psychotic mass murderers sure are kooky. Well,
it takes one to kill one. Letís
see very slowly.
Buzz of defeat.
Charles looks crazed.
Go back to your side, Chuck.
Charles just stands there,
Go back to your side, Charlie.
Several mental health workers
come rushing out and manhandle Charles back to his side.
The host goes over to the
Two answers left. How would you like to be executed?
Well, Iíve always had a
thing with water. And I canít
swim. So Iíve got to say...by
Lethal drowning huh?
I'm not so sure. Letís see if itís up there.
The NO buzzer.
The host goes to the Manson side, and Charles is now secure in a straight jacket.
right, a chance for the Manson Family to steal. Tell me...how
would you like to be executed?
Charles and Squeaky confer for
How would I choose to be
executed? I know.
I wouldnít, because Iím innocent, I didnít do it.
Good answer. Show me innocent, I didnít do it.
That is the number one answer.
The Manson family gets the
steal and takes first place. Now we have to go to a commercial break.
remember all you viewers at home.
If you think you come from a dysfunctional family, bring Ďem on the Manson
Family Feud and weíll find out just how screwed up you really are.